Golden Drugs
by TrekTournament
Summary: People loved the first one! Now a second part comes for your enjoyment! It's time to go hunting for purple cats... (Note: The second chapter sucks. But it's stayin anyways)
1. Golden Drugs

Golden Drugs  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the hedgehog. I've been wanting it since I was seven, though. La sigh.  
  
Rouge: Good, he hasn't noticed me.  
  
Put the fic down! I swear, those furries are more bothersome than the human anime characters. So, yay, yet another one of my wacky little parodies is headed your way, blue quills and all. Oh, and this fic is poking fun at Sonic Heroes.  
  
Scenario: Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles are racing along the coast line. Sonic is in the lead so he's in the middle.  
  
"Wheeheehee!" the blue racecar laughs as he grabs ring after ring.  
  
"Alright, Sonic! We almost have enough rings for an extra life!" Tails giggles childishly.  
  
"Whoo! Go hero team!" Knuckles calls out.  
  
Suddenly, when Sonic grabs the hundredth ring he falls and tumbles away. Tails and Knuckles gape as they watch him crash through rocks, trees, and other things you really don't want your skull to break through so easily. After Sonic finally slows to a stop the two friends rush over to him. When they catch up to him he is sitting in the sand with a glazed over stare and drool dripping out his mouth.  
  
"Um, Sonic? Are you OK?" the scared fox asks tentatively while waving a hand in front of the blue blur.  
  
Knuckles checks the side of the screen and smiles because they got the extra life.  
  
"Well, at least we got the extra life."  
  
"What!? How can you be happy!? Sonic's in trouble! Can't you tell!?"  
  
"Hmm."  
  
Knuckles leans over Sonic's face and inspects.  
  
"Well, this is a very delicate situation we have gotten ourselves into," the red echidna stands up and looks smart, even going so far as to put on dorky glasses.  
  
"Oh, Knuckles! Do you know what's wrong with him!?" Tails wails on.  
  
"Why, yes I do!."  
  
"Ah! What is it!? What is it!?"  
  
"Ring overdose!" Knuckles exclaims as he raises his hand pointing one finger upward.  
  
"Ring. overdose.?"  
  
"Yes, here I thought Sonic was immune to it but apparently he just had a high tolerance."  
  
"But, what has happened to him?"  
  
Knuckles rolls his eyes but explains, "You see, my good freak, Sonic is all stupored out, like a hippy on way too much crack, man."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Golden rings give off a bit of radiation whenever they are touched."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"If you collect too many at one time then you will become contaminated by the radiation."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Sonic, obviously, has a high tolerance to it."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"But, it seems after all the years of collecting rings that radiation has finally caught up to him."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"And that's what has happened."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Yo."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Are you listening?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Tails, stop that or I'll break your neck."  
  
"Eep! Sorry!"  
  
"Alright. Luckily, I know how to handle this kind of situation. Mighty got into these trances all the time."  
  
"Yay! Knuckles, you're the best!"  
  
"I know I am," Knuckles knocks his "dreads" back and a bunch of fangirls come squealing on the scene.  
  
"Back, back I say!" Tails yells as he fends them off with a very large stick.  
  
The fangirls run off scared. Knuckles now stands with a doctor's coat on and is holding out a nurse's outfit for Tails.  
  
"No way, I am not putting that on!"  
  
"Come on, Freaky McFreakfreak. You wanna help Sonic, right?"  
  
"Um, yes?"  
  
"The put on the skirt."  
  
"It's not the skirt I have a problem with, it's the lipstick you're holding as well."  
  
"Oh, uh, sorry."  
  
"This fic is supposed to be rated PG. Don't you dare go bringing yaoi into this."  
  
Knuckles throws away the lipstick and Tails puts on the nurse outfit. The theme to ER starts playing.  
  
"OK, nurse freak, hand me a scalpel."  
  
"What scalpel? And stop calling me freak."  
  
Tails then notices a doctor's bag sitting in the sand at his feet. He rummages through and soon picks out a nasty looking scalpel.  
  
"Here."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
The screen moves to Tails's face as he watches Knuckles perform the "operation." He cringes and tries hiding face as disgusting sounds fly out onto the fic.  
  
SQUISH!  
  
SQUASH!  
  
BLIP!  
  
SQUEACK!  
  
RIP!  
  
"Scissors," Knuckles says as he holds out his hand.  
  
Tails hands him the scissors as well as many other utensils Knuckles asks for afterward.  
  
"Hammer."  
  
"Mallet."  
  
Tape."  
  
"Giant mallet."  
  
"Sword."  
  
"Teddy bear."  
  
"Megaton hammer."  
  
"Excuse me!" Link says as he takes the megaton hammer back.  
  
"More tape."  
  
"Trigun DVDs."  
  
"How's that going to help?"  
  
"None really, I just always wanted that show on DVD."  
  
"Right."  
  
"Thingabaobber."  
  
After a few minutes Knuckles steps back and drops all the doctor stuff into the bag.  
  
"I did it!"  
  
"What are you talking about? There's nothing different about him!"  
  
Indeed, Sonic still sat there, only now his spit had formed into a large puddle. Knuckles inspected him for a few seconds.  
  
"Damn, lost another one."  
  
" 'Lost another one'!? Did you actually know what you were doing!?"  
  
"No," Knuckles responds flatly.  
  
"Augh! Sonic wake up, wake up!" Tails cries while shaking Sonic.  
  
Knuckles puts his mitt on Tails's shoulder. Tails jumps up and buries his sobbing face into Knuckles chest.  
  
"It's alright, Tails."  
  
"Knuckles, isn't there anything we can do to help him?"  
  
"I'm sorry, no."  
  
Tails is ready to cry again but Knuckles suddenly cheers up.  
  
"So, we'll just have to release him into the wild!"  
  
"What!?"  
  
"Yes, it's the least we can do!"  
  
"But, but, he might get eaten, by nasty nasties!"  
  
"That's a risk I'm willing to take, my freak."  
  
"Stop calling me that! OK, I guess it's all we can do now."  
  
"Glad you agree!" Knuckles chimes in as he goes racing off.  
  
"Um, Knuckles?"  
  
Knuckles comes back in a few seconds holding a stick and putting into Sonic's hand.  
  
"Here, a stick. You can use it as a weapon. Go kill some Chao, them's good eatin'."  
  
"You're horrible, you know that?"  
  
Knuckles smiles cheekily. "I know."  
  
Tails pushes Sonic forward a little and the blue hero goes wandering off on his own. The two friends wave goodbye to him, Knuckles a little too cheerfully.  
  
"Bye, Sonic. You were a good friend while you lasted," Tails sniffs.  
  
"OK, on with the rest of the adventure!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Just because Sonic's gone doesn't mean we can't get any farther in this game!"  
  
"Oh, uh, I guess so."  
  
"Right. All Sonic was useful for was running fast. And besides, it not like we really needed that homing dash diddlybop anyways."  
  
"OK, whatever you say, Knuckles."  
  
"Of course! Now, come along, my lovable little freak!" Knuckles races off down the coast.  
  
"Stop calling me that!"  
  
THE END  
  
After Words: WHOA! This came out better than I had planned. I should stop sleeping all together if this is what I write like. Yes, I wrote this at about eleven at night after racking through a ton of college work. Whoo, pretty stars. Night, night. Oh, and review, please.  
  
-TrekTournament 


	2. Golden Drugs 2: Team Rose

Golden Drugs 2  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog. Wahhh, I want Amy! She's the shit! She can make pink look cool. Oh well. Anyways, I was really surprised how much people liked my first story so I decided to make another part. That's right, this is going to be a collection of silly Sonic parodies. I decided to keep the title of the first story because it was just so silly. Ah, this part is a continuation of the Sonic Heroes spoofs. Which team this time? Team Rose, of course. *sigh*, I love Amy and I think Cream's absolutely adorable, BUT, they just had to team the poor things up with the most stupid Sonic character in existence. BIG THE CAT. I'm sure the two wanted to kill him by the end of the game, despite those happy grins (Sega must have held guns to their heads). Well, hears my idea of what would've happened if they had their way. . . with our BIG purple friend.  
  
Scenario: Team Rose is running along the Grand Metropolis zone (are they zones anymore?). They come to a ledge and look over.  
  
"Duhhh, that's really high," Big comments.  
  
Amy and Cream show up from behind him with evil faces, like something out of a really bad B-movie (wait, that's all of them).  
  
"Yes, it would be a shame if you were to FALL!" Amy yells as she and Cream trip him causing the humongous cat to fall off the building.  
  
"Whoa!" Big yells.  
  
"Yippee skippy, hip hip hurray! Another fucker's been blown away!" Cream sings as she and Cheese hop up and down cutely.  
  
"We're finally rid of him!" Amy sighs in relief.  
  
Suddenly, Big flies back up and lands behind the two. Both Amy and Cream stare bug-eyed at him.  
  
"Whee! That was close. I almost died."  
  
"NOOOOOO!!! Why!? WHY!?" Amy screams.  
  
"I guess the game's engine wouldn't allow it," Cream surmises.  
  
"SEGA! YOU SUCK!" Amy screams more.  
  
"Now, Amy, calm down," Cream tries to sooth the wailing pink hedgehog.  
  
"CALM DOWN!? HE ISN'T DEAD!"  
  
"I know, but we'll have other chances."  
  
Amy thinks for a minute as she seriously contemplates Cream's words. She sifts her eyes toward her bunny friend and speaks.  
  
"Well, OK, I'll let it slide this time."  
  
"Duhhh, what are you two talking about?"  
  
Amy looks at Big evilly as she takes out her hammer.  
  
"Oh, nothing. . . pertaining to your death!" Amy screams as she jumps up and smashes her hammer on Big's head knocking him out.  
  
"Quickly, Cream, run!"  
  
They both run off leaving Big by himself. Soon, as they reach a midway point thing. Big's body suddenly appears in front of them and he wakes up.  
  
"Duhhh, wow, I had a really cewl dream where I was fishing!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
"Now, Amy. . ."  
  
Scenario 2: Team Rose is running through Casino Park. They soon come to one of those jellyfish robots that capture your characters.  
  
"Hey, what are those?" Amy asks.  
  
"Well, how about I touch one of those hint thingies?" Cream suggests.  
  
"Good idea."  
  
Cream touches the hint thing and it turns into a giant monster with big pointy teeth.  
  
"Eeeeyaaahhh!" Cream screams.  
  
"Look out Cream!" Amy yells as she jumps and grabs Cream to push her out of the way.  
  
The monster commences on Big.  
  
"Duhhh, that's big, like a really really big fish!" Big cries happily.  
  
The monster gobbles him up. Both Amy and Cream stare blankly.  
  
"It, ate him. . ." Amy speaks slowly.  
  
"It would appear so. . ." Cream agrees.  
  
"We're finally rid of him!" Amy jumps for joy.  
  
"Um, Amy? Don't rejoice yet."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
The monster bloats and then explodes leaving a very wet and happy Big.  
  
"Wow! Who woulda known that swinging a giant spiked mace in his belly would free me!"  
  
Just then the jellyfish robot comes and captures Big.  
  
"With my dying breathe I will tell you this. The jellyfish-like robot captures characters. If they are captured then they cannot be freed until the robot is destroyed," the dying hint thingy informs.  
  
Amy hops for joy again.  
  
"Wow! I was really scared for a minute there! Come on, Cream! We can finally ditch this fatass!"  
  
"You're the leader!"  
  
The two run past the jellyfish robot.  
  
"Call me if you need any help!" Big calls back.  
  
Scenario 3: Team Rose walks along Frog Forest. Big is with them once again. Amy is going through what appears a seizure while her eye twitches.  
  
"Um, Amy? You OK?" Cream asks tentatively.  
  
Amy turns her head to Cream and gives off that evil aura and giant size effect that all angry women in anime do. Cream feels a giant bit of cold sweat fall down her head.  
  
"I guess not. But who would have guessed that using our team blast attack would free him?"  
  
Amy's eyes turn into fireballs.  
  
"Eeck! I'll shut up now!"  
  
An awkward silence falls upon the group.  
  
"Ack! Hide! Silence is falling!" Amy cries.  
  
"Mr. Big! Take out your umbrella! Shield us!"  
  
"Yes! Be useful for a change!"  
  
"Duhhh, now where is my tuna?"  
  
"NO! Umbrella! Not tuna!"  
  
"Duhhh, halibut?"  
  
"Ahhhh! We're going to die!" Cream screams.  
  
"I'm too pretty to die! Besides, I'm one of the only girls in this game!"  
  
"Yay, my chances of being laid would be hampered dramatically if she died," says Sonic who pops in for a second.  
  
"Sonic! Save me!" but Sonic was replaced to is respectful spot in the universe.  
  
"Damn you author! Damn you Sega! Damn you all!"  
  
"*sigh* I only lived to be six-years-old. This sucks big donk-"  
  
Right then the silence was smashed to dust by a very fast movement that could only be described as "way past cool."  
  
"Putting aside the stupid comment. Yay! We're saved!" Cream yells happily.  
  
"But, who could have done that?" Amy wonders.  
  
Right then, a tall warrior type manly man person walks up to the group. He is carrying a rather large sword that under normal circumstances he would have a hard time holding up.  
  
"Hi, I'm Cloud Strife. I heard you screaming and came to save you, but I can see my job isn't done yet."  
  
"Uh, your job?" Amy asks.  
  
"Yes, stand aside young maidens for I shall slay the beast behind you."  
  
Amy and Cream look behind them and see Big. Turning to stare at each other evil grins begin to form on their faces. They both run over to Cloud and hide behind him.  
  
"Oh no! It's still after us!" Cream wails.  
  
"Yes! Yes! That horrid monster was chasing us earlier! Please Mr. Bishounen badass! Kill him!" Amy plays along.  
  
"For love and justice, I am-"  
  
The author reaches down and smacks Cloud on the side of the head.  
  
"Ow! Sorry. As I was saying. I shall destroy this foul fiend! Have at you!"  
  
Big just sits there drooling like a retard as Cloud comes running at him with his crazy big claymore in the thrust position.  
  
"Duhhh, Froggy?"  
  
The purple cat is skewered. Cloud stands there for a minute looking at Big.  
  
"What are you waiting for? Get rid of the body!" Amy screams.  
  
"Um, I can't."  
  
"Buh? Why not?"  
  
"He's too heavy."  
  
"Oh gees. Never send a man to do a woman's work!"  
  
Amy walks over and whips out her hammer.  
  
"Please take your sword out."  
  
Cloud does as he is instructed.  
  
"I don't think we need a description of all the blood coming out of the body and onto my sword," Cloud suggests to the author.  
  
From the look of Cream the author agrees.  
  
"I think I have just been scarred for life," Cream squeaks as she watches in horror.  
  
"Don't worry Cream. I'll get rid of this lazy ass carcass soon enough," Amy reassures.  
  
With one big swing Amy homeruns Big's giant body clear across the horizon.  
  
"Hooheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"  
  
"Finally, we're rid of him."  
  
Cloud looks at Amy skeptically.  
  
"Say, why is a pretty little hedgehog and cute rabbit doing in a place like this?"  
  
Turning to her new friend Amy makes a cool pose.  
  
"We're here to stop the evil Dr. Robotnik! Our arch nemesis!"  
  
"Dr. Robotnik? Is this man very evil?"  
  
"Oh, yes! He captures poor little animals and turns them into robots!" Cream informs.  
  
"He turns them into robots!? That's horrible!"  
  
"Not only that but he's trying to enslave the world," Amy follows up.  
  
"That is unacceptable! We must stop him!"  
  
"You wish to help us?" Amy asks surprised.  
  
"Yes! I must protect all those weaker than I am! I know she would do the same. . ."  
  
Amy and Cream look at each other for a second.  
  
"She?" Cream asks.  
  
"I think it's an old girlfriend," Amy answers.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"*sniff* Aeris."  
  
They turn back to Cloud.  
  
"Well, Cloud. If you wish to join us then we need you to 'qualify'," Amy starts.  
  
"Qualify?"  
  
"Yes. Now then, you're obviously strong."  
  
"Very."  
  
"Could you, by chance, be able to hold Cream and I in some way and then throw us like fireballs at enemies?"  
  
"Why yes, I can put you in these slots on my sword. Normally they would be used to hold materia but you two seem small enough. Plus, I can use fire magic so there ya go."  
  
"Excellent! Do you also have a way to hover?"  
  
"I have this wing, if that's what you mean?"  
  
"Even better!" Amy hops for joy.  
  
"Oh, and if you need me to smash into the ground I can jump up and then point my sword downward and create a shadow attack when I hit."  
  
"Oh yay! We're on a roll!"  
  
"Mr. Strife, you're perfect! But can you level up?"  
  
"I'm from an RPG, what do you think?"  
  
"You have a point."  
  
"Alright! Cloud, you can be our power character!"  
  
"Why thank you, miss."  
  
"Yay! Let's go!" Cream yells joyously.  
  
"This way!" Amy yells as she leads the other two through the zone.  
  
"Oh, and if you want to do a team-like attack I have this nice ability called Cherry Blossom Attack!" Cloud yells to Amy.  
  
"I can tell this is going to be a beautiful friendship!" Amy smiles smugly.  
  
THE END  
  
After Words: Mmm, not as great as the first one but it would take a lot of work (beer) to perform as well as the first fic again. Anyways, I like this one. Big got killed, and by good ol' Cloud Strife no less. Ah, so beautiful. Do review everybody.  
  
-TrekTournament 


End file.
